What feels like eternity

is not eternity at all

but a longer illusion compelling to my new found awareness

I have been here, cowering, laying very low

wondering when the end is near

hearing voices outside my shattered window

oh, how wind chills my skin

cowering in the corner, dying of fear it seems

shadows waltz along the silhouetted blinds

this knowledge of the end is foreign to me

but persistent now, as my body feels alert

the moon shares her light abound

looking to the sky, watching for signs

stalking death awaits me, but why?

my body tells me i cannot make a sound

thoughts appear in my head like racing comets

bright and free, yet alone in the dark

i hear the sounds of chaos explode, not too far away

alone in this house, losing hope

what was going on outside my window frame

no chance of anyone coming here for me

tension is building, my eyelids are sinking

i break into  a sweat, with nothing can i cope

this darkness seems to be drawing me in

I feel like I’m floating, I cannot ignore it

screaming outside sounds inhuman and tortured

a plague or a punishment for repeated sins

should i join them, no, id much rather die here

dying seems fine to me right now

what with the end of everything in my wake

and all these thoughts revolve aimlessly, yet efficiently

as awareness becomes fact, and fact floods within me

something horrible had taken place

but how long had i been sleeping…

what is the honest point of even lying low

i could stand up now, and body could forsake me

but Ive lost all control, and the lightning intensifies

my mind goes reeling round and round

and as i lie in the dark, alone and petrified

I hear the door open, so quickly that i would not have seen it

someone had found me

the most amazing dazzled my eyes

a winged, black figure, intricate like that

of the most perfect art taken from a gothic fairytale suite

he walks up to me, silent and slow

he begins to speak, his voice a graceful spring wind

”what you have seen or heard

and what little you remember

cannot compare to the blinding light

your loved ones were caught in abruptly

that burned through their flesh to the bone, so fiercely

they felt it all through their simplicity pervasive minds

they watched in horror as red consumed their body’s shrine

their blood evaporated upon the very ground

dieing a horrible death, not even a sound

music to thine ears

a war is waging, between north and south

and you’ve been here, boy, locked inside this cell

as fate turns out, you were somewhat spared

locked in this memory, an illusion of your past

freedom burns indeed, wicked, and fast

Yet you’ve led an interesting life indeed

fooling around, having fun, making poor innocence targets

abusing your power like all the others

taking a step down, just like your father

killing for the sake of sick, savage amusement

watching their bodies writhe, their face contort and twist in torment

their souls had not even a moment to repent

for their sins weighed heavy, and God’s wrath was sent

they weren’t as lucky as you, boy, their souls burn in darkness

down deep toward the center of the earth, my lord watched in bliss

hearing their cries out to almighty God, ha!

scratching their eyes out of their sockets, walls painted in blood

nails Pierce the floors, voices long since failed

while the others scream in agony, desperate to end it all

yet the end will never show itself, and they do not see

that will ever end for them, for all eternity

and those last forever, boy, stand the decay of time

the world is finding it all out now, while we divide the sky

we have danced through the ancient earth, coming from below

and danced on top of the wicked inhabitants

a curse of true sorrow

bringing fire and death where we my roam

famine and murder rained down upon every human home

comets and fire and a shattered soul of purgatorial sanction rained as well

among the darkness

no where to hide to crawl in pain, or hide in fear

many killed by hands and disaster, torture aside

the heavens had cried blood for years and years

bringing out the worst in all of people’s fears

wars against wars, fought with nothing to gain

weapons firing, explosions spreading, sharing each others pain

they had all finally snapped, and lost their diminished sanity

blasphemy and anarchy had bled through vanity

it became normal to walk out into the open and die

cant you recall

it was before the rapture

before the sun became a distant requiem

and the moon was broken by its woe for the earth

people had tried to stay locked away, drowning in lies

families had fallen apart, tears filled remaining hearts

Ten Commandments always broken, but never like now

lives being shattered like chisel to gold

he ones who were left would witness the day

the world was left in ruins, and roaches hidden away

eventually my lord, he had come from below

to begin his reign as the ruler supreme

God must have called in sick for a while

my lord arrived as peacemaker, only to deceive of course

like he always had, since the beginning of time

since human eyes could see and language was narrowed out

as God watched below, surely knowing an outcome

at least I’m almost positive…whatever it may be

skies once blue, turned as black as vast space

hell on earth, indeed, was the case in turn

and this has all lasted for about a millenia or so

and it seems as though our lord has over stayed an invitation

he must go

as prophecy foretold so long ago

back to earth from which he broke free

yet before he seals fate, he needs the key

the key to seal broken so many years before

a seal which requires the sacrifice of blood and gore

we’ve come for you from the battleground earth

you remain hidden away, where you had your unexpected birth

this building preserved just or you

caught between purgatory and the bowels of fire

and I’m sure if you recall, the day before the beginning of then sticks like glue…

ah yes, what a lovely day indeed!

your mother on their weekend vacation

seeking you mental stability through psychiatry

your oldest sister left in charge, but really, you’re alone

of course since her, how you say, ”boyfriend” was present that night

committing sin in her room, out of sight

yet you heard her pleasured moans from a far

echoing though the halls of your ravishing 4 story home

you’re far gone by then, the heroine handled that

slipping from all that’s real, standing from you sat

ah, is the boy starting to recall?! oh yes!

you slowly creepy down the hall, into her room

quiet like a tiger’s pounce

a knife in hand, shadowed in the gloom

as if the darkness knew your absent minded motives

door slightly ajar

you slip on in, uninvited

the two of them going steady

and your sister makes out your figure

yet passion blinds dignity in the heat of the night

and blind they were still, to that glorious knife

too lost within each other to logically stop whats going on

you slowly creepy toward them

sex is what you saw

yet the next thing realized, death is what you see

the young man lying on her, deep wounds in back

a look fright and shock had betaken you

a look of twisted denial on her beautiful face

a heart attack indeed

so sacred of what she had seen behind you

oh don’t cringe boy, you know what had been done!

my lord present at the door, miming your movements

so great a puppet you had proved to be

all along even

your needed only to take one look

and heart had given away the secret

my lord vanished as you turned to look back

and that’s when it started

as the dice rolled to the floor

snake eyes galore

as everything seemed to sink to unimagined horror

that not even Poe could conjure

lights buzzed on and off, down this hall you walked

the wind outside seemed to roar at unprecedented levels

out to the living room you went

and you heard the door lock behind you

and ran to this corner as fast as you could

realizing the horrible thing you had done

you cowered in fear as you heard voices outside

deep guttural screams wondering what wrong

plaguing the night

then it happens quickly, chaos about to begin

and then you went blank

and now you are here

theoretically not minutes after the murder

yet so long a time has long since past

and you face me now

I do hope i cleared the captive fog from your mind

far after the night that fate began to destroy

we knew you were special

and we had to keep here

in this illusion of your past

watching you vigorously

and now you awake, after one thousand years

only to you it seemed like minutes

and this time has come to face the fear

yes, now it is time, let me take you to seal your fate

for its already cemented, and we’re running a bit late”

the winged angel ends his story

and silence is the last thing i feel to break

what had i done to be fated to this abrupt and illusion-ed circumstance?

oh God, where are you amidst this wretched ruin

the angel takes me away, up into the air

out into this world

Part 2: Ascension

i see a dream

a horrible nightmare that shouldn’t even be

let alone exist

hordes of the blackened creatures, fighting those angels in white

fighting to the death through this dark, hateful night

all around chaos of the likes never conceived on paper

never imagined even in the most complex works of literature

i feel the penetrate my soul, like tears of a burning child

i see the flames repeat a tango upon the decimated landscape of nothing

the creatures run wild, so sickly and foul

inhuman

a war waging between north and south

one to end all wars

to determine that outcome that is set in stone

and has been since the dawn of the forgotten sun

otherworldly lights and array of color flash before

and famine spews from all around

watching this all from my distant eyes, as the fallen one carries above the ground

lightning flashes, and mountains fall before me

mass destruction as far as my eyes can see

the moon left in shattered pieces

beautiful in its array of debris

a dead trail left in rotation of this dead earth

and the sun ceased to be, a black star waiting to implode

to suck this evil from existence

the grip on my waist tightens

for even he is becoming frightened

and i begin to wonder why such a dazzling creature

so sure of his lord’s calling

would be frightened at the sight of this war that’s been waged

for years and years under his guidance

the sky rips open

and space and time become one

meteors and meteors fall below

adding to the scars, deepening the wounds

i cannot take the deafening roar any longer

i cannot witness this any longer

yet my head is low, and i begin to think back on my life

like a slide-show, not slow enough

and i think to myself in brief moments passing

that i am not the person i was raised to be

oh dear spite…

i feel the wind rush through my hair

i dare not speak, yet sense my transporter

is beyond all reason

beyond all logic

suddenly a blinding flash before my eyes

and i come to the ground in a ray of light

instantaneously

as if i was always on the ground

and everything had vanished like that

in the blink of an eye

time knew not the answer to this occurrence

and those threatening clouds began to spread

revealing a familiar blue mass

smoke and pollution began to clear

i observe a dove fly through the sky

this light is not coming from the sun

as all things heavenly most die as they die

green comes up from beneath the ground

black sheds new clarity and perspective

and everything almost remarkably takes the persona of another

….otherworldly….

never before had i witnessed such beauty

spread out before my weary eyes

yet i don’t understand it at all

why now?

and an indescribable, almost beautifully unbearable voice fills the skies

interrupting my questions

”what you have seen, so unfortunately, was the end of a war

a war of two completely different contrasts

of light and dark

of good and evil

that nothing would ever match, no nuclear blasts, or aerial attacks

and the world was scarred, tarnished and sore

and even before this, many of my people

were torn and corrupt

and something, of course was needed to be done

as John foretold

as i had known from the beginning

as soon as Eve and Adam achieved the impossible

a deep surge of pain felt even to the core

a world lost in a universe of change

yet one of kind in its own horrible right

and as you so fortunately witnessed

i have made it new once again

the prophecy fulfilled

my son’ second coming complete

made free of evil, forgetful of sin

human beings are gone, but as i proved once before

with endings are born beginnings, along the endless sea shore

all is gone, and you were are left behind

a blind advocate of the devil

you hadn’t even known it all along

yet now he is locked away

under nothing but molten meteor

ever to break free of the newly forged seal

for there will never be a purpose, ever again

never will he deceive or corrupt or cause pain

the new world shine brightly, and render useless even a sun

thine art hath no limitations

and now i see it fit

and time does surely agree

it is your time to come up with me

an ascension to my kingdom to be

no more pain, no more sadness, nothing that was known before

only everlasting life, and joy of no limits, will mend your open soul

you once gave your life to me

the sacrifice you made has now determined your destiny

today

on this new day

my kingdom thrives, as will you, never to come back here

and now i shall take you, body and soul

do not distress, there is nothing to fear”

and with that i rose, taking my look at perfection

this is the world that once existed long before

i could see birds emerging from trees of life

and animals crawl from inner mountain caves

i take my last real look within this world

and make my ascension into what was once called heaven

it looks as though I’m headed there now

and i pas through clouds

i twirl around in the air

and i feel the blanketed foam of gorgeous cumulus clouds

ready to give a rain onto the land of perfection

a work of art before me

as i finally stand up before this gate, and take my bow

and the stars are there with me

and mars begins to call to me, beckoning me to look at its own perfection

a world that once existed as well

and i see familiar faces i once knew before, long ago

see them all in their immaculate glory

and suddenly i also take on the form of their complexion

and my feels pure, as if there was never a scar

and to my wondrous surprise

a waterfall passage to the kingdom to be

that’s has always been

and always will be

and i hear the voice of God call to me in welcome

oh joy, what a state of mind you are!

what a pleasure it is to finally meet you

in this surreal land of eternity

oh won’t someone take my hand

take my hand and dance along la paradise?

freedom takes my hand

and we waltz along the sea of wonder

never to be abandoned at shore again

his art knows no boundaries

and his hand extends north, beyond all human perception

I see Jupiter and Saturn

oh how they fall together with such devastating grace!

here in this never-ending oasis of forever

take my hand

shall we dance on forever?

waltz along the crystal sky of never-ending liquid wonder

Truth took my hand that day

and never let itself go

as we waved reverently to the moon

in shattered ecstasy

and flew toward the sun

a distant requiem

As you may know, this poem was inspired by the book of Revelation. I highly recommend it.

should i ever feel you again

feel your strained, fleeting love

and your growing, isolated pain

covet your embrace when I’m unwanted

taste the bond we once had

will I ever see you again?

hear the voice i long to know

will I ever know you again?

could you possibly be here once more

could i ever begin to mend?

from the hurt you have given

like the present you forgot to give at Christmas

the recent one, when you broke down and left

shattered like the cup you threw across the room

into a hard wall, unmoving

could i just forget?

or forgive and then think some more

will you ever return?

if it doesn’t seem likely, cant you at least try?

what will happen when I die?

will you have been waiting endlessly for me?

can’t we rewind some, even a bit?

I promise Ill make you feel happy again

I promise i wont let them all hurt you again

I swear that i didn’t mean what i had said

if remedies could be invented to have rid you of this feeling

 id make them your way

i promise things could be better from now on

I promise ill notice you more

and Ill never touch your drawers again

even though i know your secret

I wont bring anymore pain to you

I wont make life too difficult to bear

along with everything else you must think about

of powder and boiling green metallic liquid

If you could just manifest again before my eyes

If you could make everything great for me

I could make things better for you

If there was some sort of legacy to give

a shield or strength to follow suit your hand

Ill give it and magnify it a hundred times over

I would make everything better for you once more

If only would you have let me in

a messenger boy at your door

instead of the appearance of bruises

or the tears you cried only when it rained

If only you wouldn’t have been so hidden

if only your life had taken a path less travelled

if only i could have held your hand once more

tasted the soft sweetness of your holy lips

my hands glide along your back

If only you could come back to me now

if only you hadnt felt so cold

if only the noose would have broken apart

if only i wouldn’t have walked in

if only God could have rendered me blind at that very moment

If only I didn’t still love you so

My heart tears to pieces as i think of you now

I shall never mend after what lies ahead of me

If only you hadn’t done the unchangeable

if only your spirit would have controlled the urge of escape

if only i could see time as a chessboard

with you as my only piece

as i bear the thought of being without you

i change the keys to my door forever

if only you hadn’t ever existed

on this night

this humid, lucid

June summer night

as a billion and one sorts of dilemma

revolve slowly about me

within this living world

with different borders

around different hemispheres

through different frames of time

gloss and memory

hanging upon the bitter walls of my being

while the sun strolls the blue

and the moon

crying silver dreams into the darkened sky

caresses the infinite void of solitude

the desolate black of this desperate night

{Tonight}

and creates a presence

a humble glow

amongst my side of the spectrum

of the hollow glass of my existence

along lines that have been crossed

along fences plowed over

trees cut at the trunk

and roses picked

uproot of life in its entirety, no permission

along the garden of reason

the lake of decayed desire

and piercing my inner star

the moon

who caresses the black void

who cries dreams

endless dreams of silver lucid memories

comes to me tonight

on this night

to witness a change

a change of seasons as it seems

maybe fall

possibly spring

but winter and summer

calling to one another

despite the fact that it may not be right

that all could be wrong

and that two seasons should never co exist

yet within me they do

however

without a shelter

for the fires of misery

have burned away cities

sprawling train tracks

and endless desert roads

piercing like that  of the machete

held by the small African boy

who was told to kill at all costs

no matter what the price

they boy who’s skin speaks volumes

whispers lifetimes

who’s life should have been different

i have fallen apart on this night

like a dwindling flower

i have fallen apart so suddenly

yet grace did not forsake me

but i had fallen hard even still

as if choreographed

as if i already knew it would take place

as if it happened once before

oh, how lifetimes flow, so unevenly spaced

every time i would rise

i found myself slipping

slipping upon this glacial black

formed around a single break

a single wound

down the middle of my life source

clean yet leaking

left in the snow of an ancient foreclosure

the air became calm

as i seemed to find what i was looking for

yet as it seemed that way in my favor

the wind picked up

and carried it away yet again

despite the overweight mass of the ice

keeping my hopes together

the force of this icy breath of memory

carried it away from my dwindling eyes

and the moon could not illuminate a path

with which i could follow the track of her pace

blind and hopeless

i fell again tonight

and it shouldn’t have been that way

a passing glance she would not spare

yet maybe i forgot to care to look

maybe, probably, or possibly

to reach for my life again

to reach blindly

on this night

tears will not show in the rain

yet freeze as they fall

as did my decaying heart

yet again

when will i ever learn?

maybe i forgot to care

like a dwindling flower in the snow

lost and freezing

freezing in the winter of my soul

while the summer in my mind

sears away the ocean of joy

leaving behind a desolate canyon of depth

of flowing tunnels of molten lava

the moon  my witness

she tries to speak

but cannot become comprehending

through endless barrages of sobbing

as i look into her eyes

how those dreams shine, immaculate requiem!

like a falling piece of heaven

a translucent ray of light

and night suddenly gives way

while not by choice

a living world does indeed exist

as does the revolution of the sun

and upon that notion pondering absently

i had awakened

like the blooming of the spring azalea

on a winter’s night in autumn

while the leaves generously rained

upon the lonely landscape

after the fire that had made August so memorable

how could one ever forget the heat

so lost and suicidal, finding its way to this place

and in a last effort of self betrayal

falls like a blanket

near the oldest tree we knew

and sighs, spreading its deathly wrath

like famine

blowing with the wind in harmony

music of the forgotten

i had awakened

like the blood red star collapsing into the infinite unknown

the blackened celestial

the torrent shower of a comet

broken hearted and raged

passing by my distant vision

by absent paths

by cosmic waterfall dreams

on a collision course to demise

turn around and look if you can

look into vulnerabilities incarnate

look into my pleading eyes

pleading for you to take me with you

wanting to be the second half to the point

the lone immigrant crossing the border

the unattractive girl lying in her bathtub, crying

the cold body, six feet under the earth

the invisible target

the one wanting a hand to hold, secretly

a pair of eyes to share the connection

crystal pools of wonder

the boy without a family

yearning for a purpose

for company, for solace, for occupation

for want of a blanket to shield all vision

for warmth and embrace, a single affliction

turn around if you can, i whisper invitingly

turn around if you can

only if you could

only, yet only

i had awakened

like the drowning child in the public pool on a Thursday

the lifeguard too compelled by the man

the mysterious man who appeared before her

holding a 9 mm pistol in secret

a gory bullet forgotten, left behind

not 10 mins before, as cold winds began to pick up

it was 1:46 p.m.

oh, how his beauty resonated

the children laughed and played

the sirens seemed to grow closer

yet the children laughed and played

she craved his presence from atop the tower

the sirens growing like waves traveling to shore

the children screamed and screamed again

he looked at her, and she at him

a daze indeed

a single moment

turned to a tragically preventable future

{cut-short}

and the sirens blared

yet the man disappeared amidst the tears

like the desert labyrinth within the hidden forest

and the mother wept

as the angels shared her voice

and, too, wept upon the boy’s lifeless body

water crippled his talents

and showed a talent with which he did not posses

it was 1:47 pm on a Thursday

(a service shall be held the following week

look for clear blue skies and bleeding regret}

they said it wouldn’t rain that day

i had awakened

the moon fading into a travelling darkness

in the wake a rising illumination

brilliant on the horizon

a canvas of building color

the paint running into the void

and breathing light rose among the miracle

yes, i had awakened

and the crystal shrine of my weathered soul

shattered upon receiving this news

my shelter, long since caved in and washed away

with the tears of her dreams

 oh, how i missed those midsummer nights

the ones atop the church bell sanctuary

where we sat and cried endlessly

and whispered longingly to the shooting stars

as we tried to catch our frozen lives

encircling us in the blowing wind

the breath of memory

atop the church bell sanctuary

where our innocent eyes could see for miles

if only i had hands and feet to climb

back up the broken, splintering ladder

if only i cared enough

if only i could see you again

the way you were before i had awakened

far before this hourglass had fallen to the ground

if only i could see you

if only the wind would stop blowing

carrying my song into the dead sea

of silver dreams and winter whispers

indeed i had awakened by wake of sun

far before my time

and far before you existed

too late to save this sand

from bleeding into my eyes

as the hourglass collapsed to the ground

upon my shattered body

in harmony

in solace

a noose hung on a silver branch

stained by silver tears bleeding silver dreams cried by her blinded eyes

as she faded away into the travelling night

i had fallen

and in falling i had awakened

and in my awakening i had seen the light

as winter and summer died in each others arms

within me

in harmony

in solace

without occupation

without a hand to hold in mine

without a tear to shed for light

alone like a dwindling flower in the snow

longing for a security

that can never be allowed to exist

in harmony

by night

a world still breathes

and the canvas remains

blowing in the wind

as life goes on

the bell tolls nine, the song of the holy

as catholic people fill in the aisles of God

and life goes on

as does time

as do moon and sun

as do silver tears with bleed memories of dreams once lived through my eyes

but i blow in the wind

like all that must cease to be

my broken soul scattered to the four corners of the earth

awaiting Revelation

and my song slowly fades, ringing into the night that will surely come

as twilight longs for a sustainable visit

as a siren surrounds the arid dusk

the moon is now absent in the starless void

yet i blow in the wind

without her

in harmony

without solace

in cold isolation

as time stumbles on

without you

without…you….

…you…..

i dedicate this poem to love, the most powerful form of emotion that ever existed, transcending into realms of unknown thoughts and secondary emotions, breathing into one’s soul new experience and endless amounts of heartache. i dedicate this poem to all that look at the moon by night, who wish they could blow in the wind as well.

A Ghost

Underneath a surface

pick a stone, choose a layer

forget about the chains

locking you in tonight

through an opening

within the cracks of the wall

will you finally meet me there?

or shall destiny forever fall

until you see the shining light

of the thoughtless war fought on through the night

meet me in the shadows

the gallows of a life once lived through our eyes

forget me not

yet throw me away

concealed in your thoughts

until a better day

running out into the pasture

seeing the trees and letters once carved by our hands

the words we thought meant everything

yet echoes trail back to a time left burned

back to the cathedral i await

your glorious return…

Part 2

Echoes

I heard the echoes

from where i stand now

and i cringed so suddenly

as sweat drenched my brow

the mountains so magnificent

concealed by the fog

of a densely made deception

of the rapturous infection

plaguing our ancient lands

burning into the trees

and ravaging the sands

where time stands stands so vacant

as history is slipping away

a black hole of deceit

which i will surely meet

if i don’t run more quickly

through the empty stretch of city

and rob myself of rest

heart rots in my chest

ripped by the pain of memories

trickling, a faucet inside my mind

nothing i would want to find

stretched within this moment of vacant time

dreaming thoughtlessly away…

the stabbing continues relentlessly

as the fire of god consumes

i sense the moment of drowning

as the church bells are ringing

falling into the abyss

of a dark and glorious earth

i see in the water through my reflection

a wondrous daze of deception

as a boy once innocent

had become the plagues recipient

as the fog continues to follow

ever so diligent

reaching a forest tainted by darkness

through a familiar meadow i still miss no less

i find an interesting sign

beckoning my feet to yield so suddenly

and my mouth begins to gape

as my eyes they open, awake

as i grip the edge of a bed i know

and sit up straight to behold the show

feeling younger and better 

more sane and complete

living memories dead and gone

what is going on?

has this dream come true?

oppression of the connection

between reality and misery

as the fire consumes around me

i try to make my escape

do i dare betray fate?

but as i hurry to my feet

chances foretold, i wouldn’t meet

the floor as i fell so far down

down until i reached the solid ground

a stone layered surface

breaking the fail so gently

this cathedral of dreams

has it been this long?

i heard the same familiar song

and the people suddenly appeared

as i looked around in fear

as to what now may appear

i never saw my bride

as my time had slipped smoothly

out of the grasp of my hand

and lies and crimes surfaced

on this dreadful day she died

vengeance is so sweet

and corruption is elite

they took her away from my arms so sure

she lay there silently

as screams turned to rage

and everyone’s eyes

burned into mine

as i fall through the black abyss of earth

and through the depths of time

the black and disturbing nothing

i fell through the cracks in the wall

until i reached what broke my fall

down until i reached the solid ground

a stone layered surface

breaking my fall so gently

as a feeling betook me immensely

and i found myself locked

in a cascade of chains

what was my name?

i forgot about the rain

as it poured so mockingly

outside my window frame

as i cried in remembrance

of the agony and pain

of what was now a dream passed

of lies, no gain

this torrential flooding rain

the labyrinths of my mind

nightmares of death and fire and night

could not suppress the reality

of captivity felt so strongly

stone walls all around me

bars confine my ambitions

mental chains secured tightly

i will not meet her tonight

i will not see my love tonight

i cannot win this one way fight

as i lay here wondering

wishing for my right

to flee into the night

and shake off the hurt of authority’s bite

as the lets in a ray of hope

it becomes all lost

as dreams come tonight

she always be waiting

that i am sure

while i am here and she is not

losing the battle i could never have fought

as i heard the echoes

the sorrowful ringing echoes

screaming to the sky

the eternal echoes of life

is not one for two

but one for more

said the youngest whore

a sin a day

is four times the pay

and much pay today

gets us by some way

a body for most

is a temple for few

the craving of lust

a few will never do

the numbers they stack

much on our side

do we dare take the step

into the tinted black ride?

their fix is important

the drive is intense

more hits the core

pain we cant ignore

satisfaction always promised

a sign needn’t hang

much of us for most to see

they come by night, for them, for me

walk walk walk

along the boulevard we stalk

calling out to passersby

(will they hear?)will you buy?

mysteries come

most of us go

misery haunts us

high and low

a plague it came

by way of fire

to sicken us all

our burning desire

the pay soon diminishes

the bruises they appear

our lipstick left smeared

as dawn approaches, reality turns to fear

is it time go

the sun shall know

hideaway another day

and cancel the show

a heart for one

is one for most

others have passed

into the void, morose

the youngest whore

is the oldest sinner

for the bid for our temple

leaves hunger to be a winner

money it burns

a hole into our lock

a stab at our humanity

as the arms fall off the clock

we end by day

and day surely comes

back to our homes

yet feeling so alone

deal with the babies

smoke the herb of life

waiting for dusk to blow

take our posts by night

night walks down the boulevard

hitch a ride, make the dime

return once more to repeat the crime

work your way up to reach your prime

because a love a day

never comes our way

yet 4 times the pay

is more than we can say

justify not, the condition at hand

when day hides away

night walkers we are

by choice gone away

it is all we can do

to make our marks

to be merely ”ok’

by night we come to play

shh…don’t speak anymore

just sit back and watch

and let the sin commence

take down the secure fence

and go…

over and over again

don’t hit me too hard

over and over again

don’t use me too well

over and over again

don’t force it too rough

over and over again

i think you’ve had enough

drop me off here

as my dignity disappears

pain in my heart sears

as this mind drowns in sin

over and over again

to a shadows embrace

along the never ending boulevard

over and over again

as my temple falls to him

windows tinted, back alley den

over and over again…

I’m almost certain the sun came up

once a long, darkened time ago

i must have missed it

maybe i killed it

i was sure it appeared!

screamed the ghost of a bitter, ravaged whore

i could have sworn i saw it

felt it, tasted it

bathed in the flourishes

maybe i even lived it

long before the night swallowed me

years before i gave up hope

at adolescence’s peak

along a shadows lead

into the loveless embrace

of a boulevard i know

over and over again…

as this temple drowns in sin

surrender….

about them so

then why at all

did you have to go

why did you leave them

all alone

dogs in a cage

nothing but a bone

why did you do it

was it really too much

couldn’t you have helped it

where was your crutch

why like that

of all ways conceived

was that your choice

ensured painful leave

did you ever think

about them at all

was it worth it too you

to seal your fall

was the pain too much

to stop it dead

the better of you it got

much has been said

but i shall i leave on this

it was a selfish mistake

you threw it all away

your future you forsake

you just weren’t strong enough

no self control

and the people there for you

you had to let go

but i guess it was worth it

to you at least

but there are those who think different

emotions wont ease

what you did was wrong

not fair, unkind

but your pain was more important

than of those left behind

and now you’re gone

forever, no return

and the memories you leave those

will remain, forever burn

your legacy not forgotten

but you shall soon decay

while we rise up above

the coffin where you lay

the world is cruel

wasn’t for you

its not for many

but the knew better than you

and now we live

just to eventually die

you wasted it all

and for your family i cry

i shed my tears

for all these times

your wasted years

colored sublime

so i ask myself now

what ever was the reason

of living at all

in this never-ending season

you selfishly escaped

at your own hand

and we mourn for you

stuck in sinking sand

you’ll never ever know

how it felt for them

those you left behind

causing their world to dim

and now it’s done

let the hurt rush in

your selfish ways

were the ultimate sin

and now they will pay

more, ever than you did

for they are still here

rotting away

and you are nothing, yet everything….

burning flesh as flesh connects

yearning for water, pure and cold

limbs worn from days of travel

this desert is as dry as the wind

that claws into my face, peircing my skin

leaving me dead each day, without a trace

laying there lifeless, exhausted, worn

but dreams alwyas have thier endings

and as my last thoughts of you fade away, new beginnings

I become stronger, agile, quicker by the pace

my mouth becoming moist as the day roams by

my heart’s beating faster as the excitment grows

my legs growing stronger as the sands of death thicken

up this hill i run, kicking out rhythmically

i reach the top, out of breath and worn again

but not dead, like the snake i see before me

the sun, oce again killing my ambitions

i look up and out at the vast, never-ending world

oceans of sand staring back at me, waiting for my imminent journey

the crows were laughing as if reading my thoughts

waiting for my flesh to cook more thoroughly

but suddenly my eyes catch something amazing

beautiful palm tree, seemingly island, paradise

out here in the middle of this wretched land

all this i see as i look down this infinitely steep runway

the runway leading to your heart, as i had dreamt before

but would you really be there, as twilight slumber had foretold?

or is this another hope lost, a mirage in my way…

i sprint down the hill, and as stupidity runs its course

i stumble down your path, death fills my lungs

and as i reach the bottom of it all, i am blinded by it immensely

it stings my weary eyes relentlessly, mercilessly

but i catiously get up,shaking my body clean

and i look ahead, making out the palm trees in my way

my sight has mostly failed me

stinging, my eyes yearn for good health

a wide opening within leads to a majestic waterfall

a rainbow towering over the white mist raining ahead

I blindly walk over to it, careful not to miss a step

I feel the cool wind run through my long, black hair

feel the the mist rain over me me, the smooth ground just as cold

and fall forth to my knees, for this is no mirage

this is no fantasy, nor a twilight dream

this is as real as the blazing sun over head 

which has tried to stop me from reaching this

place of destiny so many countless times before

as real as the heat-ridden sand that has only slowed my journey

but now i am here, as my dreams have foretold

i dip my head inward and down

and feel the most amazing refreshment sweep over me

running it’s course through my torn body, purifying my soul

the birds how they sing, they sing to me to rise

as if to alert of a proper greeting i should make

but selfishly i strip down and jump into this liquid

a water as powerful as the gods of the Egyptians

suddenly, as if by fate

 i hear soft footsteps of someone behind

only 10 paces away it seemed, very close either way

i quickly rise up from the pool, and turn around

and the most magnificent sight beholds my vision

like an angel sent from the heavens up above

her hair is of the darkest brown, gracefully resting on her shoulders

her face more beautiful than the art within our universe

her skin as dark as the deathly desert

yet this angel brings life and awe onto me

her deep brown eyes steadily pierce into mine

and i feel a sudden calmness fly through my body

her presence as unreal as her perfect body and figure

her white dress as bright as the sun, blows majestically in the wind

but this angel brings no evil, no burning pain

just the fiery hotness of her love, filling me whole

a magnetic attraction i cannot break

nor would i ever want to all my life

she speaks the words Ive been longing to hear

and her voice sings deep into the trees

i embrace my angel, and lock lips with hers

never to let go, staying within this desert paradise together

and from that moment on, i felt complete and new

as my dream the week before had told foretold

as i wondered no more, my destiny seemed complete

for my Jordanian princess had finally arrived.

this can’t be

is this really true?

is this really happening?!

Yes, my love

it is happening

it’s as true as day

and as dark as night

Maybe

there is still hope

left out there somewhere out there

waiting for us to find

But

nothing can save us now

except for each other

so let us stand our ground

and wait for the end….

And as the lovers held on dearly

siting against an old, twisting, blackened tree

perched upon the highest point of the highest mountain

atop the mouth of a cave, sticking out slightly

over looking the vast, expansive world

buried under fire and waste

explosions and smoke cascade the sky

their faces light up every time a burning rock falls

they know their world is nearing it’s end

but through all this anarchy, they sit and watch

the boy, only 16, caresses her stomach

a baby inside, 5 months along

they are uncertain of what will become

of this peaceful world they once called home

but they have each other

and nothing else really matters

for the love they share is enough

to keep them sane, keep them calm

the moon above starts to breakup

out over the twilight sky

stars began to fall as if running away from the sight

a long crack covers the sky, as if shattering like glass

the earth begins to rumble loudly, trembles

and much swallowed down, all out there within the desecration

teh setting sun burns, illuminating all

and a bright light blinds the lovers, and then….

fianlly there is silence, so unnatural, eerie

the girl, 15, gazes at the boy

and sees the twinle in his eyes

and he then looks at her

and they kiss and kiss again

lips never breaking away, unlike then earth below

which is now dead and tarnished

all below their perchmiles high above the world

at the mouth of a hole, left near the top

the moment they share now makes up for days needed to climb up to this

the moment, so loving, in these last, final hours

fire outlooks the high, distant shelter

and the shattered moon unleashes many roars of agony

ocean out in the distance, rises up like the moutains

and tears through the destrcution, healing earth it’s plague of fire

the water quickly rushes near the very top of the mountain

and the lovers feel a tremendous splash rain over

they ahd made it out alive, and smiled at this surprise

teh boy held on tight to the girl on his lap

the water began to slowly recede down to the seemingly bottomless pit

the bottomless nothing, it seemed, swallowed it whole

it become apparent that forests that were once thriving, buildings once towering, and land once abound

had been taken away by the ruthless ways of the universe

and the horizon was left empty, as the sun hide away

and then there was nothing more than darkness, menacing

the boy and the girl, who had grown tired and weary

sleeped an endless slumber, together, forever, amidst the ever changing world

the moon stayed shattered, turning earth to many stages of development

and our sun eventually died a silent, discrete death

civilizations learned to apapt, yet eventually disappeared

empires crumbled down to the historically scarred earth

yet all through the millenia, through thousands of centuries

through many different trials and terrors much like this

they stayed atop that perch upon the never changing mountain

that never failed to protect them, never giving up, nor crumbling

theyir love for each other had unnaturally preserved them perfectly

never to be seperated as earth inevitably passed away

never to lose thier dreams as the universe had done

never to be sepreated, as time seized to exist…

burning into the sea, warming the sand

to the coast it shines, long and hard

waiting for God to use it’s calling card

for the time when it’s needed back home for the night

And out comes our moon, the sky where it sits

It lights up like fire as the sun, setting, winks

and the down behind the ocean it goes, look as it sinks

of the beautiful last rays of today

of the radiant clouds that gather in the way

the moon rests behind, no control tonight

not a motion nor a tremor, never putting up a fight

letting these translucent masses run their course

and waiting patiently for the cycle to head back to the source

the ocean is growing darker as the night turns black

a bird flies gracefully from the south over head, never to turn back

the sand is made moist by the rhythmic pushes of the sea

pushing in the nighttime life, never themselves they will be

wind blowing strong, causes palm trees aligned, to sway

and the night slowly begins to fade, ushering in a new day

The sky a vast amount of color

stealing away the stars like no other

and the small ounce of inspiration that slowly crept over me

seized to exist at that moment; the lock closed by the key

and i had stopped writing, feeling very tired

and i looked out my snow covered window, still not inspired

looking out at the hill where i had spent many a day

sitting against the old oak tree, my respect i would pay

sitting out overlooking the sea, writing without a care

the pen my voice, the paper my thoughts, drowning in my selfless despair

black clouds as far as eyes can see

snowing down hard, falling from the sky, silhouetted by that tree

and my eyes splintedout curiously

as i looked upon this twisted tree

and what i saw to my disbelief

was the last life line of it’s ancestors, a single leaf

blowing against the mercilessly cold wind

rocking back and forth as the tree would bend

it’s color darkened, it’s beauty faded

when it would fall, i was hurriedly debating

and then i heard with a load roar

the wind came crashing, observe roof tiles soar

and i did so shudder, down to my soul, what a scare

That wind did blow without even so much as a dare

staring out oer at the dark, snow-laden hill

I slowly went over, shaken hands on my window sill

standing up in that black, compact room

waiting for the leaf, waiting for it’s doom

but it just wouldn’t fall, it never gave up

eyes fixed on it, but reaching over for my cup

eyes closed, the hot coffee was soothing to my cold heart

then i started again at the sight of the poem i had started

and I soon realized i would never be able to finish it again

looking through the glass, my head began to spin

and as that leaf fell, it died before i knew

and that leaf did fall, blackened, covered in dew

the wind had stopped, and so had the snow, for it did what needed to be done

killed the last of the sacred life that had grown so well in the sun

and as it had fallen, so had i, and i died a fateful

for my heart gave out once that little leaf did, breathed my last, wretched breath

and there i lay for my wife to find me, out over the wooden floor

lying in the dark, the window broken, hand bleeding, sore

only sore, for at that moment my fate was sealed

looking at that hill one last time, snow covered field

dreams i once had faded at the sudden instance of demise

my death, although, had been no surprise

the poem i had started, was simply a description of the last day before the cold

and from that day on, i sat writing, reminiscing, my body growing tired and old

and now i am perished, along with the life that lived in that tree

and my soul shall roam out in the cold forever, belonging to my body, never be

all because of the leaf, my deathly decayed lifeline that fell

to the ground it died, forever burning in hell…..